Friends, enemies, family members, you all may rejoice, for I will soon be out of your hair! I have made my college decision, and am officially matriculated into Syracuse University for the Fall 2015 semester as an International Relations major, and am enrolled in the Renee Crown Honors Program. I am ecstatic to be starting college, making new friends, and having the privilege not only to pursue higher education, but to do so at such an esteemed private university.
I would not be able to attend SU without the amazing work of the people at their financial aid offices to give me a package so amazing that it has enabled me to attend the school of my dreams, and lessened my anxiety greatly about student debts. (I won’t get into the fine details- but I will be attending Syracuse for about $8000 a year- tuition, room, board, supplies, everything.) Not to mention of course my amazing mother whom I asked to negotiate with the school for some more money, and she did so without a second thought. She is of course one of the smartest people I know, and was able to work it all out in the wash.
I am mostly excited to have this new start. Sure, Syracuse is my hometown, and I’ll be staying close by- but it’s still fresh. There will be people from all around the world in attendance at SU, a new place to live, new responsibilities, new view points, and even new places in Syracuse I have yet to explore. I am so very honored and humbled that I should be given such an opportunity in life.
College is going to be an amazing time for me, I know it. I will find the friendships I crave, obtain knowledge I’ve always desired, and hone my talents to a newer, higher standard.
First and foremost- I’d like to apologize for a lack of updates on this blog. It has (admittedly) been to lack of trying on my end, as well as a busy schedule and much stress.
But as the old year runs to a close, I’d like to write a poem I wrote at 3 AM perhaps a month or so ago.
This is the me I’d like to say goodbye to, this year. The sad me. The unconfident me.
I’m going off to college in August of this year, and I want to love myself, when I move onto this next stage of life. I want to walk in, feel the breeze in my hair, and the books at my side, and know I have a purpose. I bring something to this world. I think I deserve that.
Here’s an untitled free form poem:
When I was younger, I used to boast about how tall I was and I’d always add about an inch to whatever the doctor said, because they always seemed to be off, and it bothered me a lot.
how dare someone try to misquantify me- right?
I think I’ve always associated height with strength- not of body, but of mind.
Like the taller I was, the further I could soar, the more control I’d have; looking down at the world, as opposed to up
When I was young, I thought I was strong, and tall, and everything was okay.
but did you every notice as you get older, the doctor always seems to say you’re shorter than you actually are?
I’ve been told several times I’m 5’5″, or 5’4″, when I know I’m probably 5’6″
but the thing is- I don’t fight it anymore.
I’ve always been used to people telling me I’m lesser than I am. That I just didn’t reach far enough, or that I take up too much space for what I am.
That I am not worthy. And you know what? I’ve started to tell myself that too.
I ask others to get things from cabinets now, because I know I’m too short to try.
Others invite me to play basketball- I say no.
Others buy long dresses, I just stare in awe.
I want to feel tall again. I want to be powerful, and walk with a smile.
I want others to see me for how I want to see myself.
Do you ever wake up and feel as though your mind is disconnected from your body? That you just sort of…float through the actions, and every task seems mundane? Well, I’ve felt like that a lot lately.
The other day, I just felt so lost. I needed something to reconnect my body and my mind. And I tried dancing, I tried walking, I tried singing- but nothing could do it. Until I pulled out my yoga mat.
Pilates focuses on drawing strength from your core, and utilizing that strength to push you through moves that make you aware of every muscle and interaction that takes place in your body. Pilates before, made me lose 50 pounds, made me happier over all, and made me more confident and outgoing in my passions.
Cassey inspired me to make this, oops
So, I decided to try it again. I am doing the Beginner’s Calendar from Blogilates (Cassey Ho), and eating clean and healthy. In her calendars, of which she makes a new one each month, she outlines which days to work out, which body parts to work out, and gives you a list of her Youtube videos to follow for your workout. Cassey regularly uploads new workouts every Monday, and is constantly coming out with new materials, such as apps, work out gear, and meal plans. Her meal plans, as long as you follow her on her Youtube channel and email list, are free of charge, as well as her work out plans, and app.
I’d really like it if some of my friends/readers would do Blogilates alongside me- at least the beginner’s calendar! It’s fun, it’s a new way to move your body, and it really taps into the connection between mind and body that is so essential to healthy living.
Join me on my yoga mat.
This is a link to the beginner’s calendar, and her beginner total body workout– less than thirty minutes. You don’t even need any equipment. Come on, try it. What’s the worst that could happen? (Unless you’re physically incapable. Then don’t hurt yourself, you know?)
Instead of the motivational/feel good song of the day, I’m going to link to Cassey’s most recent video, discussing the adversity she’s encountered on her way to fulfilling her dreams.
Give it a listen- it may be just what you need to hear.
As someone who considers a Sephora store a second home, I love it when I accrue enough points over time to obtain a deluxe sample. And, after a lovely little haul from my birthday back in May, I picked up one such sample of DERMAdoctor’s DD cream (dermatologically defining bb cream). I’m always one to jump at an opportunity to try new skincare- it is the most important part of any beauty routine, and there are always new and innovative ways to reach skin perfection.
As I approach my senior year of high school, there’s a lot of pressure to make big decisions. Where I’m going to college, what classes to take, what to major in- should I take a minor? AP? Public or private? Paper or plastic? It’s a lot of questions.
And I don’t have the answers.
I am not a person who likes unknowns. They make me uncomfortable; in the way that sometimes I lay in bed, hands underneath my back in a desperate attempt to stay still, my mind in a race with my heart to see which can leap out of my body first. It always ends with me lurching out of bed, and pacing, listening to pop music to forget about the inevitable future. I’m used to just knowing the answers. In high school, every answer you have to give is concrete. You bubble in a circle, and a machine tells you whether you were right, or wrong. Whether you were a success, or a failure. And to be frank, I’ve almost always been a success, by high school terms.
But the truth is is that success in high school doesn’t matter. And neither does failure. High school is a 4 year money-back guaranteed free trial. If you fail a test, your grade goes down; if you pass, it goes up. Even if you fail a class, you can still move forward. People even encourage some failures, if only for motivation’s sake. And even then- if you fail a grade? You get another chance. Fail a couple grades? Get your GED. There’s always a fallback.
But once you leave high school, the lines blur- success isn’t so easily defined, and neither is failure. You have to create your own definition. That’s what I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been living in a world where I’ve lived others’ expectations, tried to live in others’ dreams, tried to conform to what I have been told will lead to the dreamy, financially stable life I am supposed to long for.
Because let’s face it- real life scares most of us. That now, once we leave school, there aren’t those strict definitions, people get scared- just like I do. So, once again, people tried to put in place a universal route to success. But that’s faltering now, too. Jobs become scarce- college doesn’t necessarily mean a bright future, marriages don’t always last, and families don’t always love each other. But somehow, through all this, people still cling to their white picket fence, and place false trust in this formula that it will all be okay.
I’ve never been happy with this. Thinking of living in a home with a white picket fence, with a loving spouse and a couple kids- it doesn’t sound like a dream to me. It sounds confining. And I know so many people will tell me that I am wrong- that the idea will grow on me, or that I’m just young, or that it’ll just happen inevitably, like it happens to so many others. Surely it isn’t a death sentence, but I just can’t see myself being happy that way.
I am sick and tired of being unhappy. That’s not how life should be. I don’t want my high school years to be my best years just because they were the clearest. I don’t want it to define me, so that in my future I desperately try to relive them through reunions and old yearbooks. I recognize that high school is a formative time. But the mold has not formed completely yet.
I see myself being happy when I’m creating. I want to live in a big city, share an apartment, experience a blending of cultures and attitudes and languages that you can’t see anywhere else. I want to write, I want to experiment, I want a lot. I want to wrap myself in the good, and the bad, and the grey, and everything else humanity has to offer.
I am told constantly that this is not realistic. That because of where I come from, I need to tone down my expectations. But again- I don’t want to be sad the rest of my life. Honestly, I’ve had enough of sadness already. Death is inevitable- one day, we all will end. I don’t want to have spent any more time than I needed to in regret, or mourning the life I could have led. I have one life to live. This I know- of what happens afterward, I do not.
So I am not sorry that I will not conform. It has never been my dream to. One day, if I fancy it, I will settle down in the traditional way. But for right now? I have a lot of dreams I plan to make a reality.
Maybe I do sound ridiculous. Who knows? I welcome scoffs-I don’t expect anyone to understand my thoughts. And the American dream, like all dreams, is flawed. And that’s fine- if that’s what you want, pursue it. Just don’t force me to as well. All I know right now is that life presents itself with very few opportunities to openly chase happiness- and it offers no do-overs.
I define success as being happy- however you find it, as long as it harms no one else. Being young is not the time to become a hardened realist. You have another 70 or so years for that. Dream now, and dream big. That way you have your entire life to live it.
And if you’re no longer young? Dream too. You still have time- give your thoughts and desires physical presence. Manifest yourself through your work, your heart, your love. Life is complicated- how could it not be? Look at the biological processes that move you through this world. Look at the wonder your body is creating without you even trying. Now think about what you could do if you put your mind to it.
Define your success as pursuing happiness, and you can not fail, as long as you try.
I’m not going to lie. I love a bargain. I also love eyebrows, So, when I saw that Rite Aid had 40% off of Revlon products, I knew fate was calling to me.
Now, I don’t have my permit/license/anything, so I decided to be super hip and cool and ride my bicycle there (donning helmet and + bicycle lock for added coolness.) After the treacherous three mile ride through the heart of the village, I came to my temple. I entered Rite Aid and a blast of cool air and censored pop music reached my ears, to not only remind me of the joys of capitalism, but to make me that much more interested in buying ear plugs and a sweatshirt from their clearance rack.
But anyway- I went in with purpose: to get brows that kill, and a dry shampoo. And I left with that, a lip product, $10 saved, and a greater feeling of American pride.
In Rite Aid, they were charging $10.49 for it, and on ulta.com it runs $7.99. The in-store price seems a bit high for me, which is why I waited until it was 40% off. I’ve always used the color “Buck” from Urban Decay’s Naked Palette to fill in my brow, but since dying my hair blonde, it comes off as too warm, and can slide around on my oily skin.
This pencil and gel combo is excellent, though! By using small strokes of the brush, it is extremely easy to create a natural, evenly applied look with the pencil! While some find the gel flaky after application, I have not experienced this. It keeps my brows in place, and gives a topping off of color that the brow needs to make a statement without making it look drawn on.
Left: My bare eyebrow Right: Revlon Brow Fantasy applied
The best attribute of this product, however is certainly that there are no red tones in the pigmentation. Too many brow products have heavy red tones mixed in- you do not want this whatsoever. It will look unnatural, and make the surrounding skin look redder! This is especially bad if you’re cool toned like I am.
What intrigued me at first glance was the packaging. Similar to Clinique’s Chubby Stick in the color Chunky Cherry but half the price? I had to buy it. And I was not disappointed. Extremely moisturizing, great color pay off that lasts hours, easy application and no bleeding? Count me in!
I am usually skeptic of lip products, especially balms- solely for the fact that my lips are so pigmented and large. Often I buy a product, and it can make me look clownish due to being too bold, or there’s so little pigmentation that it doesn’t show through my lips’ true color. However- Revlon struck the right balance here.
Lovely pigmentation, long lasting, and a nice orange undertone to compliment my and many skin tones. I think this will be my go-to for a casual red lip! Especially when the hassle of lip liner, blotting and bleeding comes with the traditional lipstick,
Finally, I purchased the Dove Refresh+Care Volume Dry Shampoo, because I recently went blonde from brunette, and with all the processing my hair has been through? There’s no way I’m washing it with actual shampoo every day.
Rite Aid had this on special sale- 2 bottles for $7! And let me tell you, it works! Many dry shampoos can leave a white cast on your hair, or be gunky, or just make your hair limp. However, Dove’s product is lovely, with an extremely pleasant, powdery scent, no visible residue or color, and gave my limp hair life! I am glad I have two bottles, because this is going to be an obsession of mine for a while, I can already tell! And with the affordable price tag? I am in no way complaining.
Overall, these products are great. I saved $10 overall, spending only $17.48 on what would be approximately $30 without the discounts. So- it was totally worth biking three miles there and three miles back. And trust me- when I say something is worth physical activity to acquire, you know it’s good.
I hope you enjoyed my review, and I would love it if you left a comment telling me your opinion about these products, your super discount deals, or when you braved exercise for the sake of beauty! I know I said I’d put up a contouring article today, but I honestly got too excited about these to do so! I’ll put it up tomorrow, promise!
I love you all, and I hope you found a little bit of happiness today somehow. The feel good song of the day is:
I often hear beauty gurus discussing covering ‘imperfections’ in the skin, in regards to their foundation and base choices. Now, I’m not going to argue against calling a blemish an imperfection, because clear skin is the ideal. It shows health, an ability for one to take care of themselves, and complete balance in their body system. Blemishesaredeviations from the ideal, and our instinctual beauty standards. However, I’d like to say that putting a foundation, a concealer, primer, etc. on your face should not be for the sole purpose of covering your imperfections to appear more attractive.
To me, makeup is an art form. You can express your thoughts, your personality, your creativity and your desires by manifesting them in the physical self. You can wear it as a badge. But you wouldn’t start your masterpiece painting on a rugged canvas- would you? This is why the makeup you lay down first is the most important- to pave the most direct path for self expression. (And perhaps look hot too.)
So, I present to you, my (shockingly over 20) readers: my essential face products.
Primer:
(NYX Photo-Loving Primer Anti-Redness) I am in love with this primer. Primer is essential to keeping your pores clear, making your makeup last longer and photograph better, and making a smoother canvas for your foundation to stick to. It also helps to balance the oils of your skin, so if you have oily skin, it will make it appear less so throughout the day, and it will prevent your skin from looking flaky through the foundation. Use primer. It is amazing. Please, please, please. No one does. Also, this one prevents redness from showing through- much like a green concealer, but it’s a two in one for anti redness. This product runs approximately $13 on NYX Cosmetics’ website, and, can be found also in Beauty Salon Plus, and Target (and many other places, I just don’t go outside.)
Concealer:
(NYX HD Photogenic Concealer) This is the concealer I’m currently using, and I love it for the undereyes. It’s creamy, but doesn’t melt, or is liquidy. It blends in a lovely way into the skin, and gives full, all day coverage. And it photographs wonderfully- some concealers/face products contain chemicals that creates a white cast on your face when photographed with flash.
Foundation:
(Revlon PhotoReady Makeup 002 Vanilla) Along the lines once again of photo-friendly, I also use a wonderful foundation from Revlon, that has a lovely medium coverage, and blends great! Unfortunately, in drug stores, this foundation really only seems to cater to Caucasian skin tones, and doesn’t really carry shades for people of color. Online, it goes to a very dark-medium shade, but still doesn’t get as dark as I think it should for a line of products-especially one so prevalent. I do love it, though. I might not repurchase it again, due to the fact that it can appear slightly sparkly. I’m looking for something a bit more mattifying,
Anyway, these are what I use currently to achieve a more perfect base for my makeup. I was going to include my contouring products, such as bronzer, highlighter and blush, but I think I may save to write about those in a separate post where I can expand onto technique as well. Thanks for reading, and stay inspired.
The feel-good song of the day is:
(Yes. It’s K-pop. Yes, I don’t understand most of it. But it’s fabulous, it’s catchy, and they look good doing it!)
Don’t worry, my fellow Americans. That’s all the Spanish you’ll hear from me today. But introductions are in order. So, this time, for real- hola!
About the blogger:
My name’s Hayley, I am 17 and a high school senior in Central New York. My interests include beauty products/tutorials/application, procrastination, linguistics, healthy living, theatre, music, sarcasm, Lord of the Rings, and the pursuit of contentment in life. Not necessarily in that order.
This is my face:
xoxo gossip girl
What to Expect:
Well, I plan to write a lot of beauty articles. From reviews, to tips and tricks, to routines, I know my way around the make up bag. But, I also want to share my life with the 3 people who will read this blog. (Shout out to my mom.) Personally, I struggle a lot with happiness. Who doesn’t? Life is filled with millions of negative stressors, and it’s way easier to focus on them rather than on the positive ones. Sprinkle crippling anxiety and a dab of depression on that, and you’d have me. I hope blogging will be a way to not only cope with these emotions, but to help others understand and work through their personal emotional fogs. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum- ridiculously happy, healthy and self accepting, and also self deprecating, depressed and pessimistic. I think it’s important to find the balance in life. So- this blog will be an experiment in celebrating inner peace.
I hope you all do find inner peace, whether it’s along with me or not. Once, when I was shadowing a mentor at a local theatre troupe, she said to me (in regards to jobs in theatre), “Reality is more flexible than you think.” That stuck with me. Sure, we’re all bogged down by the fact that it’s impossible for someone to sprout wings, or that work is stressful, or that perhaps we don’t have as many friends as we’d like, or our hair doesn’t do that cute flip thing that everyone else’s does. But those aren’t truly what shape our world view. It’s when we look outside ourselves, look outside of humanity- see the purity and beautiful cycles of this earth, the gift that is life and cognition- that we find inner peace. We shape the world around us- it may attempt to mold us, but we can always resist. It’s hard- there’s no doubt about that. But so is everything else.
So go forth. Be beautiful. Be brave. Be caring, and loving, and affectionate. Be whatever you damn well want to be. Create your own mold.
(A little inspiration via song today, from the lovely Troye Sivan. The original music video can be found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqG55HdmKTE )
Triumph and Charm 